It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
