"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
