i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
