You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
