I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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