I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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