Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
