I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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