my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
