I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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