As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
