I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
