R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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