Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
