he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
