Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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