i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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