Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
