There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
