So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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