And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
