so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
