i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
