Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
