I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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