Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
