I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
