matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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