hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
