just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
