you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
