i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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