I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
