I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
