so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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