after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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