He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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