Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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