i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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