Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
