I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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