i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
