how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
