Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
