Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
two words...techno handjob
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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