don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she peed on how many people?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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