Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
