i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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