Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
