How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
