Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
