The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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